“I forgot I could feel this way.” A new, dear friend of mine said this to me a week or so ago when we were talking about how invigorating this course has been. I have been thinking about it ever since. As global health students, we are learning how to have difficult discussions. And I’ve noticed that because mental health is so difficult to talk about, discussions do not happen often enough. So I am allowing myself to be vulnerable with you all, whether you are one of my fellow classmates or my own family (hi mom, dad, appa, and zia <3), to spark more conversations about our lowest lows to our highest highs.
I came into this summer putting a lot of pressure on this class. It is my first real experience in global health, a field I have been passionate about since freshman year of high school. After a difficult sophomore year, I told myself that this was the course that would turn things around for me. That I would get myself together, refine my work ethic, and just feel like myself again. I really wanted this experience to be everything that I imagined and magically take me out of the dark place I was in the past year. Fortunately, my expectations were quickly exceeded. Unfortunately, the dark days are still here. But it’s different now. They are not so often, they are not so heavy. And I believe it is because of this experience, and the wonderful people I get to share it with. I cannot explain how grateful I am for this.
While mental health is something I may always have to deal with, I am starting to find a balance and not let it disrupt the life I wish to live. The Ndjeka group has been preparing literally the entire day for the past week for our upcoming interviews. We probably have spent more time in the dining room coming up with interview questions, playing lofi music to get the creative juices flowing, and writing to do lists on the whiteboard/paper easel than we have in our own rooms. After an emotion and adrenaline filled day interviewing the incredible Phumeza Tisile, I felt absolutely exhausted. I literally laid in my bed in the dark for two hours just watching the most mindless things on Youtube to decompress. At the time, I felt guilty for resting. For not being productive. But now I realize how silly this was.
This course has taught me that as we do work in global health we deal with injustice, violence, human rights, and a myriad of social, economic, environmental, cultural, and political issues that are heavy topics to discuss. Especially when we know that the consequence is the, oftentimes preventable, death of many people. We must remember as we enter this field (or any field, quite frankly) that Rest is Resistance, a phrase coined by Tricia Hersey. We are allowed to take days where we abstain from excursions and stay in to nap and do laundry. We are allowed to feel the emotions of the work we do and honor them. And when we are ready, we can start our work again.
So to everyone reading this, I hope you find time today to take care of yourself. Thank you for letting me bring light to my dark days.
Some resources I found:
General mental health resource carrd (https://appreciatingmylife.carrd.co/)
Includes South African hotline and other resources (https://suicidepreventionhotlines.carrd.co/#)
YC^3 (https://yalecollege.yale.edu/getting-help/yale-college-community-care)
